the inevitable sex question...

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Roonie
Posts: 13
Joined: 2013-10-13 03:37:37

the inevitable sex question...

Post by Roonie »

i've had my colostomy for exactly a month now and i recently met a girl who i'm interested in. i posted to the main board about my ostomy farts a few weeks ago... and she's ok with us cuddling and my stomach just farting uncontrollably, somehow.
even though she seems to be ok with things (it should be reversible within a couple months, but i don't really have my hopes up about that), i'm really self conscious about my whole setup. i kinda just want affirmation and to hear about other ostomites' sex lives, that might help me.
DianeLeigh
Posts: 174
Joined: 2009-07-05 01:05:26

Re: the inevitable sex question...

Post by DianeLeigh »

Roonie,
Your ostomy is still very new and may very well change, whether you keep it for a couple months or longer. Diet can assist in helping your gas output, and as everyone's reaction to foods is different, perhaps you can experiment with your diet.
It is a wonderful thing that your girl friend is interested in cuddling! In my experience if someone is willing to be close, then you are doing well. She has accepted you for who you are, regardless of your ostomy.
Ive had a few serious partners since I have had my ostomy, and I can tell you that self image improves and your ostomy will take a bit of getting used to, but it will happen.
I think when we are younger, and single, it is difficult for us to both acclimate, and we fear to tell others about what is going on with us. It does get easier in time.
UOAA Mgmt. BoD 2011-2013 Fmr. Advocacy Chair
Insurance Specialist, Cert. ostomy visitor.
raym
Posts: 52
Joined: 2012-04-23 21:27:27

Re: the inevitable sex question...

Post by raym »

As far as being naked, I use something called Trendy Top. I'm a male, but it's made for women to wear on their waist/hips to cover things up if then bend over. It's thin lycra and covers the bag (folded up once) nicely.
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ot dave
Posts: 2094
Joined: 2010-03-04 19:26:19

Re: the inevitable sex question...

Post by ot dave »

Hey Roonie,
I'm also a colostomate. I was married for 13 years when I got my ostomy, so I don't have the concerns about finding a partner that will accept the ostomy. My wife had no trouble with it as it was necessary to remove my cancer.
As far as sex goes, once I felt up to it physically, after the surgery, we picked right up to where we left off. I too was self conscious about the appliance and concerned about it coming loose, etc. I tried taping up the tail, using a stealth belt, but they didn't work like I wanted them to, so I quit using them. I did find some mini closed pouches that I like to use to sleep in. It is covered with those comfort panels, there is no long tail to get in the way, and there is no closure (velcro or clip) to be in the way either, which is also more comfortable for her. And, since I sleep in them any way, there is now spontaneity to the process...which was something that was missing for awhile.
Since you have a colostomy, you might want to consider irrigating. There are "gators" who wear nothging but a cap, and some even just cover their stoma with a bandage. I like a little more insurance than that, so I always have a pouch on. But like I said, the one I sleep in is a closed mini pouch that is interchangeable with my 2 piece system that allows me to attach an irrigation sleeve and a full, drainable pouch for when I leave for work each day. I am consistenly output free for 24 hours ( I irrigate each morning, takes me about an hour to do). If I watch what I eat, and use some immodium, I can go 48 hours plus without output. A nice clean pouch makes for more anxiety free sex as well. Just something to consider.
Hope I helped answer some of your questions.

David
stage III rectal CA 12/08 - colostomy 3/09
"Gatoring since 2010"
Psalms 91:2
Cancer_Sucks
Posts: 3
Joined: 2013-12-29 02:06:47

Re: the inevitable sex question...

Post by Cancer_Sucks »

Where did you find the mini bag? And you can reduce the gas by using beano :)
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darick
Posts: 220
Joined: 2011-08-04 22:45:12

Re: the inevitable sex question...

Post by darick »

Cancer_Sucks wrote:Where did you find the mini bag?
Most vendors should have a mini pouch version available. I use ConvaTec brand, my regular pouch is 8", but they also have a 5" mini one, and also just a cap. (http://www.convatec.com/products/ostomy ... b1/1_0027/)
Ewings Sarcoma: 1996; G-tube: 1997; Cecostomy: 1998-99; Colostomy: ~2000; Irrigator: 2013-
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ot dave
Posts: 2094
Joined: 2010-03-04 19:26:19

Re: the inevitable sex question...

Post by ot dave »

Cancer_Sucks wrote:Where did you find the mini bag? And you can reduce the gas by using beano :)
I use the Hollister new image line of appliances. It is a 2 piece system. I have the mini closed pouches to sleep in, irrigation sleeves, regular drainable pouches, and for those nights when I think I might have output during the night, I have drainable mini pouches as well. I order through edgepark, and it is easy to do a search for the supplies on line. I believe, if you choose, that there are one piece mini pouches, but I'm not sure as I've never looked for those.
As for gas, the irrigating takes care of a lot of that. And, if I do have gas, I have the filtered pouches which work great as long as they are free from output...which they are because I irrigate.

Hope that helped.

David
stage III rectal CA 12/08 - colostomy 3/09
"Gatoring since 2010"
Psalms 91:2
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Kate
Posts: 506
Joined: 2005-10-06 22:57:29

Re: the inevitable sex question...

Post by Kate »

I don't have any advice other than to say I use something similar to the Trendy Top described above and it helps, and keeps the bag secure and out of mind during sex. I just wanted to that as someone who has had an ostomy since age 18 and am now 30 (and wondering how the F I got that old) there really are people who don't give a second thought to it because they are interested in you, and everyone else should be avoided :) good luck.
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Lea
Posts: 28
Joined: 2012-08-26 14:15:08

Re: the inevitable sex question...

Post by Lea »

Kate wrote: there really are people who don't give a second thought to it because they are interested in you, and everyone else should be avoided :) good luck.
perfectly said!
Crohn's. Ileostomy.
you only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough-mae west
Kate929
Posts: 6
Joined: 2014-01-23 18:19:56

Re: the inevitable sex question...

Post by Kate929 »

In addition to the Trendy Top, maternity stores carry bands that pregnant ladies use to add length to their tops and/or cover undone buttons on their pants or skirts. They tend to be wider and stretchier than Trendy Tops.
Tpyhtila
Posts: 7
Joined: 2014-02-05 14:15:34

Re: the inevitable sex question...

Post by Tpyhtila »

I know they aren't made for it like some other products but I swear by Under Armor. Buy it one size under your normal shirt size so it fits snug, but not too tight. I wear it for intimate times with my wife, under my clothes all day, even to go swimming. It works like a support garment but looks totally normal to a casual observer and minimizes the profile of the bag under your clothes. I have tried a ton of other things ....but this stuff works the best.
Deesgusting
Posts: 52
Joined: 2013-10-31 02:49:04

Re: the inevitable sex question...

Post by Deesgusting »

It's honestly never been a problem for me. My girlfriend has no problems with my ostomy at all and it's never gotten in the way. I've never used a special pouch or a belt or anything to cover it up. As far as being naked, I've no real inhibitions with that either. I suppose it's all down to your confidence levels and your partner will reflect that confidence. Any other girls I've been with never even noticed I had it and if they did they never questioned it.
curvy1976
Posts: 1
Joined: 2016-05-28 15:07:01

Re: the inevitable sex question...

Post by curvy1976 »

So, I am 40 (female) and have had Crohn's since I was 8. Yes - 8. I had my descending colon removed at 28 (became an ostomate) and a few years back had my rectum removed as well ('cause I ain't using it, while leave it in?). I've been married for 16 years and have been pregnant as an ostomate. And I can tell you one thing: I have a great sex life. I use bellabands when I fool around and they are, hands DOWN the best, cheapest, easiest to use item for getting your groove on and leave all the fun parts out to play ;) They come in a variety of colors (I have black) and can be folded or used wide for men or women. I also can wear a bikini and no one knows I'm wearing a bag - gotta find the right suit, but I aim for high waisted bottoms. Miracle suit is awesome for also hiding bags because of the material used and many are ruched. Swimming and sex is all about confidence.
jj91
Posts: 5
Joined: 2016-09-16 21:24:58

Re: the inevitable sex question...

Post by jj91 »

I can't imagine...I refuse to have sex with mine...unless its with someone who had or has one....I understand and feel your apprehension...tell your partner bluntly your concerns...if she cant accept and support you...she probably isn't the one
lp1964
Posts: 170
Joined: 2013-11-19 13:33:00

Re: the inevitable sex question...

Post by lp1964 »

Hi, I am a 52 yer old male. I dress very stylish and professional and have a very active romantic life.
There are two things that I do differently. Every Thursday at 4 pm I take 6 tablespoons of Milk of Magnesia mixed in juice and 2 big glasses of water. Nothing happens for 4 hours then I have diarrhea for an hour and have to empty and rinse my bag about 5 times. After this I don't have any output and minimal gas for 4 day. I'm wearing a 3 inch Coloplast stoma cap only. I call it my Ironman patch cuz it keeps my (sex)Life alive lol.
After 4 days I start using a regular one piece pouch and change it daily until I do the cleansing again. I wear this pouch horizontally with the opening to the side so I can wear tucked in dress shirts. If I have to let out gas I just pull out my shirt on the side, don't have to unbutton my pants. Also this way I can use the whole capacity of the bag since it's not restricted by my pants and belt.
I also have no belly button nor anus, but blessed with a 15 inch vertical scar from my cancer surgery which takes some preparation talk to explain but it has never been a problem with new partners. I call my long vertical scar "landing strip" lol.
If you consider my cleansing process please consult your physician.
All the best and don't let your condition hold you back from anything.
Colostomy After Stage 3 Rectal Cancer Surgery
"Grace + Attitude = Gratitude"
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