Husband depressed after ileostomy

[Noniof 3]

I am writing on behalf of my husband who very recently had an Ileostomy following a.emergency surgery to fix th original surgery to open up a bowel obstruction. The only education we got from his doctors or anyone else at the hospital was when we had to ask the Dr what an Ileostomy was. My husband was admitted to the hospital on Christmas Day 2021 and is now finally in rehab so I can bring him home. As a result of the Drs mistakes he developed a massive infection which required weeks of IV antibiotics. He sunk into a very deep dark depression totally withdrawn from everyone and everything. After my insistence that a psychiatrist be called in he was started on an antidepressant. Following that he tested positive for Covid which he caught at the hospital because they were not allowing any visitors because of Covid. He as spent all these weeks is isolated from everyone he loves. Now that he is on the rehab floor he is finally showing signs of coming out of the depression to some degree. I believe had he seen a psychiatrist and eduction on what to expect he would have had a little easier time. We have a long way to go and a lot of therapy and support. Thanks for letting me vent about this. This surgery is totally life changing for most people. My heart goes out to all of you

[ot dave]

Hi Noniof,
Welcome to the boards. Depression is a very expected part of getting an ostomy. It's kin to losing a limb. I think everyone that had to have an ostomy experiences some type of depression. Some of us needed meds, some needed counseling, some needed time, some needed all three! I was fortunate in the fact that I have a medical background and knew why I needed the ostomy and basically how it worked. It's a learning curve for sure. Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. I would recommend you show your husband this site and have him get to reading. He can use the search function to ask just about anything he wants to know about ostomies. And, when he's ready to ask questions, there is a wealth of knowledge here that you likely won't find anywhere else. Hope that helps some.

David

[To Dream a Dream]

Welcome to our Discussion Board where, as David states above, you can read the posts of many who have successfully worked thru the challenges that you & your husband are dealing with right now. The United Ostomy Association of America has a history of not just helping people with ostomies, but also of informing medical personnel, civic leaders, school officials & the general public about the realities of living after ostomy surgery. Including many modern advances in ostomy care. And the true-life stories of people who have not only recovered but triumphed.
From your post, your husband's body has gone thru a great deal & from my own experience, will need time & patience to recover. Fortunately, there is help available from UOAA that will guide you both thru this process. Here is a link to the website: https://www.ostomy.org/
If you click on the three little horizontal lines in the upper right-hand corner of the main menu, you will find a listing of information & resources where you can look for support. Including finding a local group in your area.
Please know that you & your husband are not alone in this. Our Board is open 24/7. Thank you for posting & my hope is that soon you will be able to accept the life changes you mention in a positive light. That of becoming part of a whole new community of strong caring individuals.

[SeaQuest]

Noniof 3, prior to my surgery, I had experienced a few years worth of turmoil. I was maintaining a spreadsheet of all of my "movements" (time of day, urgency, blood content, what I was eating/drinking, etc..), had been admitted to emergency rooms for dehydration multiple times, had visited various doctors, had been prescribed a laundry list of medications, and was finally told that they had done everything they could for me so they thought an ileostomy was the best next method of treating my ailments. I had also never heard of an ostomy, but once it was recommended (and finding out what that was), I decided a second opinion was needed. I went to Vanderbilt who required that I meet with a psychiatrist prior to meeting with their doctors. I laughed it off at the time as up to that point, this issue was the only thing in my life that I had ever lost control. I was still under the illusion that I was going to straighten this out and find a way to fix myself or that the ostomy wasn't going to be that big of a change.

Post-surgery, reality hit! I spent my first two weeks sleeping, praying that I wouldn't wake up again, and then crying myself back to sleep. It was the first time in my life that I couldn't handle my situation. That was almost 9 years ago, and over the years I've learned that more hospitals need to require some sort of mental/emotional evaluation prior to (planned) surgeries. I now know that I had entered a state of depression. One advantage I had over your husband is that I had the opportunity to prepare for my change where it was thrust on him. I've also learned that I truly have not lost control of my situation; my situation had changed, but I am still in control. I do one thing differently than 99.78% of all other people in the US, but I am still in control. Thanks to my ostomy, I now have my life back. It may require him talking with someone else, and it may require support from those around him, but gradually/slowly things will improve.

I wish you and your husband well!