UOAA Discussion Board

Just had to post, 'cause this is soooo on my mind right now. My husband and I only give gifts to our grown children. A couple or three years ago I wrote a nice (I'm pretty sure) message in Christmas cards, and sent e-mails well ahead of time, to out-of-state relatives, that we were only going to exchange gifts with the kids. All of our parents had passed on. I would always give a gift to our moms and dads. But, with all the parents gone, it seemed silly for grown brothers and sisters to exchange gifts, and have to ship them, when they had families of their own to provide for. It worked well, and everyone liked it, except for that one person who persists in sending a gift every year, even though I haven't for three? years. It seems a little like they have no respect for our wishes? Or maybe they are just a Christmas-aholic? Who do you exchange gifts with?

Chritmas cards - I love 'em. I love to send and receive them. I hang the ones I've gotten in a display in the entryway of our home, and I look at them everyday! After Christmas I put them in a box of 4 or 5 years worth of Christmas cards, and I look at them and enjoy them the next year before I start my ritual of sending them out. Did I mention I LOVE Christmas cards (the sparkly ones, especially)? I'd much rather have a beautiful Christmas card than a gift. How do you feel about exchanging Christmas cards? If you say you hate it, I won't think you're the Grinch, I promise.

I am in my mid-40's and have three brothers as well as both parents still surviving. Each of my brothers give our parents gifts, and there have been occasions where we all team up to get a much nicer gift for our mother. But in regards to gifts for the siblings, we moved several years ago to drawing names amongst the brothers and our wives. We aren't allowed to get our own name nor that of our spouse, and we don't tell who we got. This has given us the opportunity to personalize the gifts much more; we rarely, if ever, see gift cards given anymore. This has worked well, at least for us. In regards to Christmas cards, we make certain to send them each year. I enjoy receiving (and sending) them, but my wife seems to have the same thought as you. She posts them for all to see and also keeps them for the coming years. Hope you have a great Christmas, oliveoyl!

Thanks for your reply SeaQuest! I've been reading articles by anthropologists/sociologists about our reciprocal gift giving in the US, and they made me laugh and keep saying, "It's so true!" Rules such as money gifts can be given from parent to child, but never the other way around, and gifts must always be wrapped before being presented, unless it's a hard to wrap gift, such as a pony or a piano, and then it must be symbolically wrapped by placing a bow on it. Things like that.....

I hope you have a Merry Christmas, SeaQuest, and to your family, too!

Hi Olive and SeaQuest,
I know December is long gone but thought I'd reply anyway. (I was overseas for 7 weeks visiting family and friends and didn't log onto UOAA during that time) I think it's perfectly reasonable to just give gifts to your children and not to your siblings. I wouldn't worry about the one relative who persists in giving you a gift, Olive - it obviously gives her pleasure to send one. SeaQuest, I like your idea of drawing names among your siblings and spouses. We don't give gifts to siblings any longer. I still exchange gifts with an elderly widowed aunt. Part of my gift to her this year was 10 pounds of apples (I live in an apple growing area). She was thrilled as she loves making applesauce for winter (I gave them in the fall)

As for Christmas cards, I find that I receive very few in the mail now, what with email and e-cards. Probably 10% of what we used to get and display. I know not everyone agrees but I LIKE family newsletters whether rec'd via mail or internet. What do you feel about them? I am a person who keeps cards for years and years . . .

Olive, I enjoyed your comments on the articles about gift giving. Another 'rule' would be to remove the gift card and never mention the price!

What do you think about giving hens and goats to loved ones as gifts? (through charitable organizations that actually give them to poor families in poorer parts of the world where they seem to make a huge difference in people's lives)
TGH

Hey, here we are again - Christmas. To Good Health, don't laugh because it's been so long since you asked, but as to family newsletters, I don't mind them, and have saved the two I received from last year as they got tucked inside the cards.

I had a relative (long since passed on) that used to not only leave on the price tag, but would make sure to point it out to you if you missed it!!

I've gotten to where (cynic, I know) I don't trust charities anymore. It seems every other day I hear an expose on how the CEO's have been discovered using the money to take trips to fabulous island getaways.......

Next year I might just give cash to my adult children......is that lazy, or Scrooge-y? Does it mean that I am officially old? I did buy most gifts online this year, which made it much easier, but still...... What about if I put the cash in a lovely money holder card, and put shiny bows and glitter on the envelope?

oliveoyl wrote:Hey, here we are again - Christmas. To Good Health, don't laugh because it's been so long since you asked, but as to family newsletters, I don't mind them, and have saved the two I received from last year as they got tucked inside the cards.

I had a relative (long since passed on) that used to not only leave on the price tag, but would make sure to point it out to you if you missed it!!

I've gotten to where (cynic, I know) I don't trust charities anymore. It seems every other day I hear an expose on how the CEO's have been discovered using the money to take trips to fabulous island getaways.......

Next year I might just give cash to my adult children......is that lazy, or Scrooge-y? Does it mean that I am officially old? I did buy most gifts online this year, which made it much easier, but still...... What about if I put the cash in a lovely money holder card, and put shiny bows and glitter on the envelope?

I was brought up before the internet and sent cards to everybody. That's all we had was snail mail anyway. We gave presents. I guess that's just how it was. Now it is so impersonal with e-cards, etc. (it's like I can't be bothered so I'm sending you a e-card or a text message because I don't feel like actually taking the time to talk to you) An actual card has class or something. Can't put my finger on it but it was special. Cards are pretty much limited now to grown-up kids and grandchildren. Kids should get something anyway and they will always tell you what they want. Spoil them. They are only young and believe in Santa for a couple of years. They can always get the toy or what they want. Always give something to "Toys for Tots" as there are many in this world with not much.

As to cash, it is actually the best present of all. (give to adult children also as you do) It is never the wrong color or size. Never out of style. Never had someone tell me they already had one, etc, etc, and a hundred other reasons. And the best thing about cash is you can go out after the holidays when everything is on "real" clearance and get more for your money.

I have got a little cynical over the years also with all you hear about different charities and how much of a small percent actually goes to help the intended people in need. I always put some money in the Salvation Army red cans in front of the stores when they are collecting but that's the only ones I give to any more.

(sorry if I got carried away)

bagger

Hi bagger
Of course you didn't get carried away. I'm also pre internet and when I was a kid my mom would spread the Christmas card stuff out on the table and she and we two kids would go to work. A hundred or more cards. She would write, one of us kids would address the envelopes, one would stamp and sticker. We would go to the Post Office to mail them with bundles of cards secured with rubber bands. And the cards that would arrive! We'd string them up to decorate the living room, read them, look at the amazing pictures. It was great. I love what you said - an actual card has class, and it is special!

I was a little jaded to learn, years ago, that the Salvation Army bell ringers do that as a paid job. They used to be Salvation Army members or volunteers. Now they pay the bell ringers. Making money.....

And I agree with you that Christmas is for children and you should do your absolute best to get them that special thing they want. Nothing ever like the look on their face when that special "thing" gets unwrapped.