25 year old son, sad

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Joined: 2015-06-08 00:58:00

25 year old son, sad

Post by NancyQ »

Reaching out as a mom of a new ostomy receiver. I am noticing my son is very sad, depressed right now. He had the surgery 2 weeks ago following a lifelong issue with chronic constipation. We still do not know the cause of all this. He is having a hard time figuring out the different bags and choices. He is embarrassed by the smell, the mess. He mentioned tonight that he just doesn't want to go out socially any more.
This breaks my heart. I don't know how to help. I am trying to get him to go to a support group. Fingers crossed.
Anyone else experience these challenges? I just want to know that this depression is temporary. I am hoping once he figures out a system that works for him.......he will be ok.......
It's tough being a mom.........he's sad....so of course I'm sad........
Any advice?
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ot dave
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Re: 25 year old son, sad

Post by ot dave »

Depression is a natural response to what has happened to your son. We all go through it in some shape or form. For some of us, we need to seek counseling, and sometimes meds. For others of us, the passage of time and developing a routine is all we need. My depression was pretty short lived and I was able to resume normal life activities without any interventions. This is all new for your son, and I agree that once he gets his system of choice figured out that life will get easier to resume. It's great that you are reaching out to help your son. But, if he is having pouching/appliance issues, he needs to get on here and read and ask questions. You won't find a better resource for all things ostomy than this discussion board. There are no dumb questions. And, if he reads some of the threads, he may simply learn new tricks and techniques that he never thought of before....I know I did. Have him sign in and get to reading...I can almost guarantee he'll learn something new that will make his life easier.
I hope he gets to feeling better soon.

stage III rectal CA 12/08 - colostomy 3/09
"Gatoring since 2010"
Psalms 91:2
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Re: 25 year old son, sad

Post by Sstoner331 »

How is your son doing? I just had my ileostomy placed at the end of July and I am experiencing the same kinds of depression. I would love to know that there is some kind of hope
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Re: 25 year old son, sad

Post by cspitzner »

Hi! I had the same problem. The thing that helped me most was talking with someone my own age who was going through the same thing. It's hard to find someone, but it helps SOOO much! It makes you realize that you aren't alone....and its someone who gets it.
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Re: 25 year old son, sad

Post by Sandywr »

I have my colostomy due to chronic constipation also. It was the best thing I ever had. Things will get better for him, but it is hard in the beginning. I like it because I no longer have any pain, no more 2 enemas a day, no more laxatives constantly. I do take stool softeners and fiber, which is no big deal. I can do everything I ever wanted to do and more. I now go paddle boarding, went zip lining, swim all the time. Once he finds the correct appliance for him, he will find that nothing can stop him. Support groups are the best. They will help him realize that his life is not over, it is just beginning. Wishing him well.
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Permanent Colostomy since 4/24/2014
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Re: 25 year old son, sad

Post by jj91 »

I'm 24 yr old female experiencing mild depression from this as well..having received my surgery about two weeks ago...I think he should try counseling and support groups...express concerns to his doctor...I'm always available to talk...tell him to contact me if he would like...Contact me using link at right...best wishes

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Re: 25 year old son, sad

Post by BellyButt »

I think the most important thing is to figure out the pouching system options and make it work perfect.
There should be no smell or mess if it is working. I had two failures in 2.5 years. Never one in public. I used my time after surgery to try a lot of wafers and bags and I am still working on perfecting it. I get about 1 week with very good reliability now.

(Coloplast Sensura convex flex, Mio bag (stylish gray and best in class filter) , Coloplast Brava seal and I also use the tape strips to secure the edge. What also make a big difference is 3M cavilon barrier film on top of a tin dusting with powder. I hold my bag in place with a Nu-hope belt that also have the benefit of pulling my belly in a few inches...

The suppliers are very generous with recent patients since they know they have to get you early and they have you for life..

Best of luck. Stomas are a lot better than the alternatives. One of my neighbors back home told my mom to tell me that I should not be worried. It should be standard for busy people. Its great when you are outdoors. Any old coffee cup and a nasty rag is a great bathroom. Even porta-pottys are great now..
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