UOAA Discussion Board

That's what I'm beginning to feel like. I feel like I'm going through the motions with job, parents, marriage.

I've always been adversarial towards life. I started out not only with holes in large intestine, but also a speech impediment and poor coordination. I got a lot of teasing in school, and looking back on it I can't think of any real friendships.

I had better social life in college and grad school...but then never really kept in touch with people afterwards.

I'm almost fifty now. And I feel like I've lost the ability to recharge emotionally.

It's not bleak. I feel good when my wife shows affection or when I can solve a problem at work or do something nice for my parents or my wife, And my parents tell me I began sounding much happier with my wife in my life.

Is my sense of satisfaction too dependent on other people and on luck? Do I just have bad emotional habits? Is this an early 'colitis personality' I could not escape or is it just a mid-life crisis?

What am I really unhappy about? I'm not in pain, in debt, or facing legal action. I hate this wound I've been posting about but this isn't my first time fighting something like it and it looked better this morning, I wish I had more money, more respect at work, and more control over my career...but that's normal, right? I wish my spouse was more available - she's relieving stress at work by diving into TV, IPad games, her cats - but we're both introverts who stress about work and who duck into silly things to escape.

What's going on in my life? Lots of changes, Married 18 months, we're trying to have a child (she's 43). My once infinitely resourceful parents are now 78 and limited. Finally working towards drivers license (various factors, including emotional, kept me off the road). My wife and I discuss where we might buy a home, and our options with and without kids.

I'm seeing a counselor for stress management (paid for through work) on Tuesday. Clearly I've got a lot to talk about.

Thanks for listening,

Dear ileo73,
Thanks for sharing your journey; you have overcome many difficulties. And, at present, are facing many changes. I pray that the counsellor
you see on Tuesday is skilled and helpful. All the best,
TGH

lad to hear you are getting help on Tuesday....talking to a therapist really helped me

ileo73,
You have a lot of good things going for you. Wife, parents,job, etc. We all have our ups and downs. You will persevere and your counselor will help.

Stay strong and be well.

bagger

I usually say 'speedy recovery' when it's of the physical. the path of emotional healing has no witty quip and i don't think i am clever enough...

Taking care of self includes emotionally; which is the hardest of all. The counselor might have some good ideas...

Wanted to thank everyone for following up.

I'm feeling better. Part of it was being able to talk to someone completely outside of work or family life, which are where I get 99.9% of my social interactions.

Big thing was remembering a trick that's so simple I forget it constantly. I have to tell myself I have permission to have my emotions, good or bad.

I'm off the hook for the sadness and the anger, so I don't have to try to stuff them down (which only seems to drive them in deeper).

And I can feel good without having to hit benchmarks I think are pre-requisites for feeling good.

Paradoxically, that simple realization helps shift my emotions where I want them to go more than any deliberate effort on my behalf.

The sore seems to be resolving as well. Not quite sure yet, but the WOCN likes the look of it and some of the issues seem improved, I'll believe it when (or if) I see the diameter decrease.

But again, thanks.

ileo73,

I am glad to hear that you are doing better.

bagger

ileo 73, great to hear your good report from talking with a counsellor and remembering some things that are easy to forget when under stress.
"I have permission to have my emotions, good or bad.

I'm off the hook for the sadness and the anger, so I don't have to try to stuff them down (which only seems to drive them in deeper).

And I can feel good without having to hit benchmarks I think are pre-requisites for feeling good." Thanks for reminding all of us, all the best, TGH

It seems like you have been dealing with some medical issues since childhood. Which is why you think your medical history has to do with your life now. The things you listed you are just a part of life. We are all going through something.

And maraige is tough. Communication and compromise will fix that. You will get back what you put into any relationship.
And seeking counseling is a good thing. You will find your way. And I hope you seek a fruitful life, everyday.

I wish you well.

1goodLIFE

ileo73 wrote:Wanted to thank everyone for following up.

I'm feeling better. Part of it was being able to talk to someone completely outside of work or family life, which are where I get 99.9% of my social interactions.

Big thing was remembering a trick that's so simple I forget it constantly. I have to tell myself I have permission to have my emotions, good or bad.

I'm off the hook for the sadness and the anger, so I don't have to try to stuff them down (which only seems to drive them in deeper).

And I can feel good without having to hit benchmarks I think are pre-requisites for feeling good.

Paradoxically, that simple realization helps shift my emotions where I want them to go more than any deliberate effort on my behalf.

The sore seems to be resolving as well. Not quite sure yet, but the WOCN likes the look of it and some of the issues seem improved, I'll believe it when (or if) I see the diameter decrease.

But again, thanks.

i had a wound nurse that was the best ever and others not so much ,when you find a good one or two hold on to them as not all are equal .sorry to hear of anyone with a sore as i have them from time to time . some times i have gone to a wound doctor .some times i have used a silver dressing and other films ,dont know what the nurse is doing for you but i hope it clears up quickley .