How to help family member dealing with new ostomy?

[Emma]

What was/is helpful to you and not helpful to you, in the way a family-member-caregiver helped/helps you with coming to terms with having an ostomy?

Especially if you had other serious health problems when you had surgery, ending up with a surprise ostomy, what did you want and not want from your family? Especially from the person doing the hands-on caregiving?

I wish I could give miracles.

Thanks very much for your help.

To be "the lady with the lamp" calls for new input, as well as love.

[Mysticobra]

Time.
Help any way you can. If they want it.
Only she or he can come to terms with it.
I know that from experience.
My wife changed mine the first full month out of the hospital.
Not a complaint from her. But she is exceptional. To me.
My ostomy wasn't a surprise. So that's a completely different situation.
Along with other disabilities they may have. I'm not disabled. So I didn't have that on top of everything that went on.
Just be there and supportive. And help any way you can. Be patient.
I really don't knkw what else to say not knowing and it's really none of my business knowing details.
I just know my wife was patient. Supportive. And didn't complain about anything.
But that's how she is anyway.
I wish and hope the best for you and who you are caring for. It's not easy at the beginning.
Richard.

[To Dream a Dream]

I have always been independent & took charge of my changes & care as soon as it was feasible. Even now, if I must be hospitalized or even during an exam, I make it clear up front & personal, that I manage on my own. Oh, the staff can assist me, but as long as I am conscious, I call the shots.
Probably a foolish attitude that has only increased the burdens upon myself over the years. And now, in my twilight, I wish at times that I had someone to help me. But then, I pray. . .

[ron in mich.]

Hi Emma i,ve had my ilieostomy for 30 some years and right from the beginning i did my own changes, i was sick with UC and run down, needed iron shots and lots of high protein foods and thats where my wife comes in makes all the foods i like and encouraged me to get up and move so as to get my appetite back and eat more to gain some weight back and get some stamina back. She has the patience of a saint in putting up with me in my recovery.

[Emma]

Thank you so very much, Richard, To Dream a Dream, and Ron in Michigan.

I appreciate your taking the time and effort to help.

Your help means a lot. God bless you all.

[Mysticobra]

I hope it was some help.
Having other disabilities and issues has to be difficult also.
I can't imagine how it would be if I had other problems.
Having the ileo alone was enough to deal with.
Best wishes.
Richard.

[Emma]

Richard, thank you for your kindness. I appreciate it very much.

[ot dave]

I would say that most folks who end up with an ostomy develop some level of depression. This is totally normal and quite frankly it's almost expected. I went through it too. Some folks need time. Some need counseling. Some need meds. Some need a combination of all 3. Every ostomate, just like every ostomy is different. So, you have to know your ostomate to figure out what they need. My wife had what we call down here in the south a "come to Jesus" meeting! She knew the kick in the butt that I needed and how to deliver it! I was good after that.
Hope you find some solutions.

David

[Emma]

David, thank you very much for your kind post. I appreciate it. Yes, it is true, -- much love and wisdom needed for being a real help.

[ThatFLguy]

I have only had my ileostomy since April but the biggest thing that help me was a friend that gave me a big box of tried and true ostomy supplies as well as a lot of advice.

This person is now as close to a girlfriend as I have had in a very long time and knows more TMI stuff about me than anyone else.

So, the other thing is just to be there. Be open, and always answer their phone calls/texts.

[Emma]

@ThatFLguy, thank you for your kind and helpful post. I appreciate it. Best wishes to you.